Brad Chin [陳武信] - Prestidigitator! (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} bradtastic) wrote,@ 2004-03-22 16:59:00 |
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Righteous Evil: Loving Humanity
IN RESPONSE TO RECENT EVENTS IN MY LIFE and urge to mingle amongst the best and brightest of LiveJournal, I present a life story.
Sunday March 22, 2004: ~3:00AM – It’s somewhat late, and I have a need to converse. So I make a phone call. Kristen (who most readers will most likely not know, so just assume she’s a drop-dead gorgeous woman) and I meet for ‘dinner’ at Denny’s in Concord. I was somewhat surprised that she had accepted such a late offer, but who would deny me? (Kristen, I’m joking!)
Our conversations have always been magnificent. I can accept defeat to her profound insight, instead of finding myself resilient in my perspectives. Our conversations can pertain to or consist of anything, because I think a significant amount of the enjoyment derives simply from the exchange.
We sit, and we discuss the finer things in life; travel, possessions, intellect, and education… we talk for hours, it is approaching 6:00AM. Anyone who really knows me knows that this is nothing new. I can talk about my toys for hours.
The waitress all of a sudden jumps to commotion. Startled, our conversation abruptly pauses to listen in on a frazzled Denny’s employee carefully recounting the money left on one of her tables, to find that she not only hasn’t a tip, but also was shorted on the cost of the bill by over ten dollars. Visibly both panicked and upset, she remarks that this was the eleventh table to walk out on her that night.
Anyone who really knows me knows that I have much empathy.
As she walks away, almost crying, Kristen looks at me, I return the gaze of righteous determination. She says softly, “You’re going to make it right, aren’t you?” Her tone was innocent and empathic.
I reply, “I’m certainly going to do what I can, and do what I must.”
Our check was change short of twenty-two dollars. After spending perhaps five minutes trying to flag down our waitress as she paces back and forth with anger and ferocity, I manage to hand her the carbon paper receipt and a hundred dollar bill. She looks at me almost as if I decided to flash the Benjamin to spite her.
She returns with almost eighty in change, and I proceed in carefully orchestrated and planned maneuver, grabbing two twenties off of the top. I respond as quick as I can: “Here, this is for you.” Out of courtesy or guilt, she almost pushes the money back, and tells me, “No, you cant be serious?!”
Kristen says with affirmation and confidence, “No, he’s serious.”
I couldn’t live with her not accepting it, and I told her that. With much gratification, her mood changes and she lightens up, as if a great burden had been removed. Her tense form relaxed, her anger and pain seemed to dissipate. She tells us about how hard her night as been, how she’s filed her taxes and has to pay $800 more, how she’s currently living off of a friend’s couch… this is an entirely unnecessary endeavor, though I acknowledge her troubles. And I ask for a refill on my Sprite.
I have no idea if I am truly right or wrong, if I am good or bad. I simply do what I feel is within my power. I feel that it is my place to enact balance on a roiled world.
I could have tipped higher, made a statement that I am really that rich. Made a statement that she’s really doing that bad. But it’s obvious that sometimes what appears generous is wrong. Because it’s not simply the dollar amount that turned around her emotions, it is the way I responded, the way Kristen reacted… largely, the value of the moment came from the interaction she needed.
Kristen had a flushed face, stared down toward the table, and had to control a large smile into something still overtly apparent. I look at her, and say, “Hey, you know… I’ve done some things I regret to get where I am, I don’t deserve all of the money I have.”
And she replies, still smiling, “Maybe you do…”
It must be accepted that it is impossible to undo a wrong. All one can do, all we can do, is positively influence a person, or a group, in effect putting in balance both good and evil.
Evil must be accepted. Evil is the balance for all that is good. Evil manifests good, as good sparks evil. Balance is necessary in order to maintain the existence of life; nature sees to it that this occurs. In every area in the world where happiness and peace flourishes, evil lurks waiting to strike- from the Garden of Eden to 20th century Germany, humanity has been haunted by suffering. Neither good nor evil will ever succeed in this constant struggle, because it is the process, not the outcome, which ultimately determines the worth of humanity.
And I know now, more than ever, that my purpose in life is to maintain this harmony.
Reference [
IN RESPONSE TO RECENT EVENTS IN MY LIFE and urge to mingle amongst the best and brightest of LiveJournal, I present a life story.
Sunday March 22, 2004: ~3:00AM – It’s somewhat late, and I have a need to converse. So I make a phone call. Kristen (who most readers will most likely not know, so just assume she’s a drop-dead gorgeous woman) and I meet for ‘dinner’ at Denny’s in Concord. I was somewhat surprised that she had accepted such a late offer, but who would deny me? (Kristen, I’m joking!)
Our conversations have always been magnificent. I can accept defeat to her profound insight, instead of finding myself resilient in my perspectives. Our conversations can pertain to or consist of anything, because I think a significant amount of the enjoyment derives simply from the exchange.
We sit, and we discuss the finer things in life; travel, possessions, intellect, and education… we talk for hours, it is approaching 6:00AM. Anyone who really knows me knows that this is nothing new. I can talk about my toys for hours.
The waitress all of a sudden jumps to commotion. Startled, our conversation abruptly pauses to listen in on a frazzled Denny’s employee carefully recounting the money left on one of her tables, to find that she not only hasn’t a tip, but also was shorted on the cost of the bill by over ten dollars. Visibly both panicked and upset, she remarks that this was the eleventh table to walk out on her that night.
Anyone who really knows me knows that I have much empathy.
As she walks away, almost crying, Kristen looks at me, I return the gaze of righteous determination. She says softly, “You’re going to make it right, aren’t you?” Her tone was innocent and empathic.
I reply, “I’m certainly going to do what I can, and do what I must.”
Our check was change short of twenty-two dollars. After spending perhaps five minutes trying to flag down our waitress as she paces back and forth with anger and ferocity, I manage to hand her the carbon paper receipt and a hundred dollar bill. She looks at me almost as if I decided to flash the Benjamin to spite her.
She returns with almost eighty in change, and I proceed in carefully orchestrated and planned maneuver, grabbing two twenties off of the top. I respond as quick as I can: “Here, this is for you.” Out of courtesy or guilt, she almost pushes the money back, and tells me, “No, you cant be serious?!”
Kristen says with affirmation and confidence, “No, he’s serious.”
I couldn’t live with her not accepting it, and I told her that. With much gratification, her mood changes and she lightens up, as if a great burden had been removed. Her tense form relaxed, her anger and pain seemed to dissipate. She tells us about how hard her night as been, how she’s filed her taxes and has to pay $800 more, how she’s currently living off of a friend’s couch… this is an entirely unnecessary endeavor, though I acknowledge her troubles. And I ask for a refill on my Sprite.
I have no idea if I am truly right or wrong, if I am good or bad. I simply do what I feel is within my power. I feel that it is my place to enact balance on a roiled world.
I could have tipped higher, made a statement that I am really that rich. Made a statement that she’s really doing that bad. But it’s obvious that sometimes what appears generous is wrong. Because it’s not simply the dollar amount that turned around her emotions, it is the way I responded, the way Kristen reacted… largely, the value of the moment came from the interaction she needed.
Kristen had a flushed face, stared down toward the table, and had to control a large smile into something still overtly apparent. I look at her, and say, “Hey, you know… I’ve done some things I regret to get where I am, I don’t deserve all of the money I have.”
And she replies, still smiling, “Maybe you do…”
It must be accepted that it is impossible to undo a wrong. All one can do, all we can do, is positively influence a person, or a group, in effect putting in balance both good and evil.
Evil must be accepted. Evil is the balance for all that is good. Evil manifests good, as good sparks evil. Balance is necessary in order to maintain the existence of life; nature sees to it that this occurs. In every area in the world where happiness and peace flourishes, evil lurks waiting to strike- from the Garden of Eden to 20th century Germany, humanity has been haunted by suffering. Neither good nor evil will ever succeed in this constant struggle, because it is the process, not the outcome, which ultimately determines the worth of humanity.
And I know now, more than ever, that my purpose in life is to maintain this harmony.
